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NES Game Reviews (05)

2015-08-17 14:12:34 by lolomfgisuck

Air Fortress
So people live in space and we're all happy and shit and then one day this asshole air fortress shows up and starts killing stuff. The Air Fortress is a floating island like city, but it's actually 8 of them connected together and also it's alive or something... I don't know... anyway, being the super space marine type guy you are, you fly in on your sweet light rocket and take out the Air Fortress bases.

It has two styles of play. The first half of every level is a bullet hell style shoot em up like Gradius... but then you land and enter the fortress and the second half of every level is an 'on-foot' style maze shooter. The Air Fortress is a maze and you have to find your way to the core, killing bad robots along the way, and destroy it. Once the core is destroyed, you have to navigate the maze to the escape shute, and leave before the place blows up... yeah, you're on a timer.

It's pretty cool for the most part, it just suffers from the typical NES style of "why the fuck difficulty". For example, in the second half of the stage, every step takes away energy. Standing still replenishes your life, but if you move too much you can kill yourself. Getting hit takes away energy that doesn't refil... so if you move around a lot, and then get hit, you can die even if you really have over 10000 life. It's easier to understand in action, but it's still pretty stupid.

But worse is the enemies in the fortress. You have to ride elevators and the bad guys totally know you are in the elevator so they start shooting at you before you even get to the bottom. Sure, you're safe in the elevator, but good luck opening the door without getting shot. Then of course, there's the suicidal enemy AI of, "Sit on your face" combined with spiked walls and even magnet like spikes that pull you down. Again, in a maze.

The first four levels are fun, the last four levels are brutal hard. 

It's a well made game otherwise though. You kind of look like a fisher price character, but the control is good, the music is good, and it plays well... so I don't know... 7/10? It's worth checking out I guess.



The Lone Ranger
Holy shit you guys, this game is fucking tits! I don't know how I've gone so long without knowing this game exists because holy balls is it fucking awesome. 

I don't even know where to begin. The graphics are great, the control is awesome, the music is supurb, the gamplay is varied... it's made by Konami... what else is there to say? There are top down levels, side scrolling levels, there's even a fucking First Person shooter mode... and yeah, you actually get to walk around inside hotels and caves in first person view. It's a little confusing, but it's suppose to be... so good.

And the story... man... the story is rad. It's not deep or profound or anything, it's just awesome in the types of shit you got to do. When you get down to it, it's just about the Lone Ranger trying to get revenge on his arch nemesis who also kidnapped the president... but in the details is so much more.

You need to get a horse, and the horse is on the other side of the water but you can't cross the bridge because bandits are nearby and they don't want the bandits to cross the bridge... so you got to go the bandit hidout in the mountains and take out the leader so the town can lower the bridge. 

But then, on the other side of the water, you find out the bandits are in town because they're looking for treasure and if you could get the treasure they'd have no reason to stick around so you go treasure hunting. After that you just got to take out the remaining bandit leaders by doing A FUCKING SHOOTOUT IN OLD TOWNS WITH A FINAL SHOWDOWN IN FUCKING CHURCH is all.... so rad.

And that's just the begining. There are train fights, and shootouts on horse back, Native Americans attack, you got to prove your manliness by stealing an egg from an Eagels nest on top of a mountain... you got to sneak through a town at night, take out an imposter, rescue your girlfriend, and take back a fucking army camp while people fire cannons at you! So fucking cool you guys... so fucking cool.

And the story graphics, including the ending... top fucking notch. 

12/10... probably one of my all time favorite games I've played on the NES during this silly challenge of mine.


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Adventurer 5 Points Beat the first Five Levels Medal Stats.
Act 5 5 Points Complete Act 5 to any rank. Medal Stats.
Act 4 5 Points Complete Act 4 to any rank. Medal Stats.
Act 3 5 Points Complete Act 3 to any rank. Medal Stats.
Act 2 5 Points Complete Act 2 to any rank. Medal Stats.
Act 1 5 Points Complete Act 1 to any rank. Medal Stats.
Pimp my robot 50 Points Upgrade the robot to the max Medal Stats.
Now we're talking 100 Points Upgrade everything to the max Medal Stats.
Poor little pony 50 Points Complete the game Medal Stats.
Going berzerk 100 Points Reach level 25 Medal Stats.

Total Medals Earned: 365 (From 62 different games.)

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